even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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