you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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