we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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