Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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