Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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