chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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