i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
40s are totally the cure
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
