dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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