I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
