We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
