i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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