Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
