listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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