we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think a kid would responsible me up
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
