found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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