So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
