i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
