Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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