Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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