i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
