Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
