And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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