is your mom at the bar?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
