I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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