There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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