there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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