Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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