I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
