sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
