Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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