Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
