yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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