You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
