Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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