So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
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Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
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I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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