in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
