even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize