She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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