Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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