I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
