I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
