The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
