i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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