I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
