She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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