Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
