The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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