he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
