It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
