I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
