non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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