I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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