he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I wear drunk well.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
