It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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