Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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