just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
