Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
