he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
