he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
