ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
