my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How does it feel to date your dad?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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