No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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