TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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