Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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