I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize