Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
