This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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