I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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