So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
