When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
