The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
