there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
