i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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