Don't make out with my wife yet
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
