somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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