yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
