Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
